Okay, this is the question, ladies: Do you want to wear your wedding dress or do you want it to wear you (out)?

Last week, I saw a clear example of a dress wearing a bride. Tina and Tony (not their real names) planned a Maui beach wedding with a few family members and friends. Overall, it was a beautiful wedding, but there were a few problems.

1) Tina was late to her wedding.
2) She had difficulty posing for the spontaneous, playful beach pictures.
3) She was hot and uncomfortable.
4) She was very late to her reception.

The above problems were all caused by “The Dress,” which was a modified version of what Princess Diana wore to her ill-fated wedding. Diana’s dress worked because her wedding was in a huge church and she had a limo and a zillion attendants.

Tina’s “Dress” did not work, because she had a beach wedding, no limo, and only one overworked attendant. Tina was late because The Dress was hard to get on and then, worse, did not fit in the compact car planned to take her to her wedding. She had to be crammed in with the seat all the way back and the dress stuffed up to the ceiling of the car. The groom informed us that the process of stuffing the bride and her dress into the car took one half hour and three persons. Thus, Tina was late, forcing her guests and wedding staff to wait, uncomfortably, in the bright Maui sun.

The Dress was disastrous in the sand. Her bridesmaid and groom tried to manage the “runaway train,” but it was difficult to do. Sea creatures, shells, seaweed and a small surfboard all ended up netted in that train (small exaggeration – there was only a small piece of surfboard).

Then, there was the exhausting, undignified struggle to get her and The Dress back in the car, to the restaurant, and then back out. Thus, she missed much of her reception. She enjoyed her wedding and reception, but it probably would have been better without the “Tyranny of The Dress.”

Subsequent articles will ad”dress” other dresses, inappropriate for their bride and/or event.

THE END