I love cultural diversity (a big part of my appreciation for Hawaii), so I enjoyed the wedding of Iqbal, of Indian descent, and Donian, of Chinese, both now living in the Bay Area. They chose Aloha Beach Bluff for their Maui sunset beach wedding. Iqbal wore crimson red and Donian was in white.  They chose Hawaiian music, beautifully played by ukulele and  guitar virtuoso Kai Akin and hula by Ayesha Sandra Lee, who also performed the Hawaiian/ Christian ceremony. Vincent Salamander took breath taking pictures of the gorgeous sunset on October 6, 2009.

Teresita and Geraldo were married August 6, 2009, in a beautiful sunset ceremony near Lele beach in Kihei, Maui.  They were such a lovely and distinquished looking couple.  She wore a gorgeous, traditonal white wedding dress, that glowed in the golden light of the setting sun, as they exchanged their vows. They made me think of a prince and princess in a fairy tale wedding.

Okay, this is the question, ladies: Do you want to wear your wedding dress or do you want it to wear you (out)?

Last week, I saw a clear example of a dress wearing a bride. Tina and Tony (not their real names) planned a Maui beach wedding with a few family members and friends. Overall, it was a beautiful wedding, but there were a few problems.

1) Tina was late to her wedding.
2) She had difficulty posing for the spontaneous, playful beach pictures.
3) She was hot and uncomfortable.
4) She was very late to her reception.

The above problems were all caused by “The Dress,” which was a modified version of what Princess Diana wore to her ill-fated wedding. Diana’s dress worked because her wedding was in a huge church and she had a limo and a zillion attendants.

Tina’s “Dress” did not work, because she had a beach wedding, no limo, and only one overworked attendant. Tina was late because The Dress was hard to get on and then, worse, did not fit in the compact car planned to take her to her wedding. She had to be crammed in with the seat all the way back and the dress stuffed up to the ceiling of the car. The groom informed us that the process of stuffing the bride and her dress into the car took one half hour and three persons. Thus, Tina was late, forcing her guests and wedding staff to wait, uncomfortably, in the bright Maui sun.

The Dress was disastrous in the sand. Her bridesmaid and groom tried to manage the “runaway train,” but it was difficult to do. Sea creatures, shells, seaweed and a small surfboard all ended up netted in that train (small exaggeration – there was only a small piece of surfboard).

Then, there was the exhausting, undignified struggle to get her and The Dress back in the car, to the restaurant, and then back out. Thus, she missed much of her reception. She enjoyed her wedding and reception, but it probably would have been better without the “Tyranny of The Dress.”

Subsequent articles will ad”dress” other dresses, inappropriate for their bride and/or event.

THE END

Fourth of July was gorgeous, as usual, on Maui this year. Many couples are very excited on this day, preparing for their sunset beach wedding, followed by gorgeous fireworks exploding in the sky over them, and reflecting off the ocean.Yes, the Fourth of July is a popular day for Maui beach weddings. Some people have commented that they day seems an odd choice for a celebration of marriage, since it is a very worldly kind of holiday.It’s true that Fourth of July festivities often are full of beerdrinking before noon, loud parties and even louder firecrackers, but I believe that the Fourth has a deeper meaning - after all, it is a commemoration of the birth of the United States of America, “…one nation, under God, with liberty and justice for all.” How beautiful is that?Our founding fathers understood that God created us, as free people, and that loving Him back is a gift freely chosen and given. When I perform a Fourth of July wedding, I often explain that celebrating commitment on a day that commemorates freedom could be seen as a paradox - however, commitment is a decision we freely make, to live in the grace of true love. This love sets our hearts and spirits free!

Part 1

I was in the early planning stages of a destination wedding with an enthusiastic and sweet-tempered bride. It was her long cherished dream to be wed on a beautiful Hawaiian beach on Maui at sunset, with as many of her friends and family, in attendance, as possible. Afterwards, she wanted to have a Hawaiian style reception. She had a lot of good, creative ideas and I was enjoying working with her.

The bride had left a message for me to call her, but when I did so, a man answered the phone. I assumed he was the groom and politely identified myself and asked to speak to the bride. To my shock, he let loose a torrent of abuse that I won’t repeat. He dropped the phone and I could easily hear him yelling and cursing at people in the room. I was very surprised, because she had told me her groom supported and was paying for the Maui wedding and reception.

Finally, she came to the phone and said, “I’m sorry. That was my dad. He doesn’t like the idea of a wedding on Maui. But, don’t worry, everything is fine. He will come around.” A few days later, I was dismayed but not surprised to read her sad email, saying that she was forced to cancel her Hawaii wedding, to please her family.

I wrote her back saying I understood and offered our usual solution to such disappointments: Make the best of the family wedding, then come to Hawaii for a private beach vow renewal, as part of the honeymoon, or even a year later. Many couples do this and are happy to be able to please their family and still enjoy a simple, romantic beach wedding.

Often, couples are coerced into accepting the family plan because of the finances - the parents are paying and expect to be able to call the shots. I think that such power plays tend towards the manipulative, but it’s somewhat understandable. In this case, however, the groom was paying but still the parents forced their will on the couple, through emotional manipulation.

Somehow, it just feels wrong to me, that an adult couple can’t choose to have the wedding they want., Of course, weddings are important for the whole family but the main purpose is for a man and woman to begin THEIR life together as husband and wife, and the beginning of a new family. “Therefore, shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh.” Genesis 11:24.

For many couples, marriage is the first time the bride and groom act fully as adults, moving out to start a new life of their own. By denying a son or daughter the right to freely choose their own wedding plans, the parents are in effect holding on and controlling when they should be letting go, allowing their grown children to choose their own life. It also sets a dangerous precedent. Will they try to also control where the new couple lives and how they raise their children?

For many people, a wedding is the first and maybe only event in their lives, in which they are able to create their own dream and vision. I feel that denying one’s children that right is cruel and selfish. Didn’t the parents get to choose how their own wedding would be celebrated? If not, maybe they should plan a vow renewal or anniversary party for themselves, the way they want it. (How would they like it, if their children tried to control their parent’s event?)

In conclusion, a wedding is a rite of passage, in which a couple moves from their families to create a new life and a new family. If the couple are very young, it is also a rite of moving into adulthood. It is the job of their families to be supportive and loving but also to let go - let the bride and groom fly with their new wings. 

Coming Soon, Part II - What to do When Controlling Families Won’t Let Go.

A wedding is meant to be a celebration of love, but many weddings begin in an atmosphere of anxiety and tension. Something has gone wrong. The limo was late or the pink roses were too orangey or the breeze is scattering the petals all over the sand… something not perfect.

The groom and best man and I are awaiting the processional that will bring the bride to his side. He is smiling at first, but time is passing – no bride arrives. I glance at my watch – seven minutes late, not so bad. I regard the groom. He seems to be in a state of high anxiety. I say, “It’s okay, she will be here soon.” The groom shuffles his feet in the sand. Sweat is running down his face. He looks down and says, “She has been so nervous about this wedding. I can’t wait ‘til it’s over.”

His cellphone rings. He pulls it out of his pocket and looks at it as though it’s a man-eating tiger, about to pounce. “It’s her,” he says. “Answer it,” I say calmly. “Hey, babe…” he says in a squeaky, strained voice, “you comin’ down here? Okay, okay, see ‘ya soon.” He puts away the phone. “She’s coming. Her maid of honor forgot the ‘something borrowed’ garter in her hotel room. They’ll be right here.”

“Great,” I say. “Look at that gorgeous blue sky. “Yeah,” he mutters. “It’s been hard trying to get it all together.” He can’t see the sky. The conch blows. The harp player begins “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” The bridal procession comes down the petal path and soon the bride is standing beside her groom. They look at each other, nervously. They try to smile and the ceremony begins. She doesn’t seem to realize it, but she is gorgeous.

After a few minutes, we get to the part where I say, “A marriage has moods and seasons.” They look at each other and one of them begins to laugh, then the other. The ice breaks. They clasp hands. They both realize they have already passed one of the tests of married love. Planning a wedding was stressful, probably much more than it needed to be. But, they made it. They saw each other’s dark side, but they’re saying “yes” to love!

First of all, a disclaimer: I am very fond of all of our Maui brides and grooms and their families and friends that we have worked with, no matter what they did. With that said, I go on:

What is the Job of the Bridesmaid? Webster’s New Explorer defines a bridesmaid as “a woman who attends a bride at her wedding.” “Attends” suggests helpfulness and quiet support. She knows the wedding is all about the bride and groom, not her!

Prevalent in our culture, right now, we see another image of a bridesmaid, however. In recent movies and novels, bridesmaids are often competitive, sex crazed, drunken medusas whose main job is to upstage the bride and disrupt the wedding.

Well, that’s just fiction, you might say, and, in truth, most bridesmaids I have seen are kind, dignified, helpful and deeply caring of the bride and the success of her wedding. It’s the OTHER bridesmaids I address, here. Unfortunately, the bridesmaid behaving badly doesn’t inhabit fiction only. Some are real.

I have seen bridesmaids who seem determined to receive all the attention, at a wedding, by being more demanding, louder, and more provocatively attired than her fellow bridesmaids, or the bride. I heard a bridesmaid actually once say, “there’s now way I’m going to let her (the bride) look better than me.”

They argue about all aspects of the wedding, trying to assert their own will over even the bride’s and groom’s. They come too early and try to order the wedding professionals and family members around. They throw hissy fits when they don’t get their way. Or, they come late, and often drunk, so that their hair was perfect, or they are happily sloshed, therefore delaying or interrupting the wedding. This is bad.

One bridesmaid insisted on sobbing loudly throughout the entire wedding, so that the bride and groom and minister could barely be heard. She made herself the focus of the attention. Another bride disrupted and delayed the wedding by threatening loudly and vociferously to “throw the wedding flowers and cake in the garbage can and vomit on them,” because she felt they didn’t match HER dress properly. I’m not making this stuff up.

So, come on, bridesmaids, please behave yourselves. Support the bride, don’t compete with her. Don’t try to control the wedding or entice the groom. Your day is coming and you will want well behaved bridesmaids. And, just because you’re on Maui is not an excuse to be bad!

There is still time to plan a Christmas-time wedding. Why not escape the snow and ice and freezing rain and bring your love to warm, lovely Maui?

Maybe, you were planning a wedding next summer? But, here in Hawaii, you can enjoy summer all year round. Or, were you planning a winter wedding with furs and boots? Romantic, but how about a strapless cotton dress with your feet in the warm sand and your happy groom in an aloha shirt? Spend your honeymoon swimming in blue seas with the whales and your evenings dining and dancing under the stars.

If it sounds good, why not check it out? Give your honey a plane ticket for Christmas instead of an angora sweater. Call us at Merry Maui Weddings. We can arrange a very affordable holiday wedding with very little notice.

Bring some family or friends, if you wish, or maybe just each other for a very romantic, private wedding. We’ll have it videotaped for you and you can show it at your New Year’s eve reception back home. Think about it.

Usually, Christmas is the busiest time of year for tourism in Hawaii, but, because of the economic downturn, you should be able to find an inexpensive place to stay during this normally very busy time. So, what’s keeping you in the tundra? Come to the land of sunshine and blue waters in December.

There has been much speculation and concern over a newly enforced Hawaii Sate Rule requiring that a beach wedding conducted anywhere in the state must have a permit. It’s true that a “Right of Entry” permit must be obtained from the State Department of Land and Natural Resources for any commercial activity to be conducted on State lands. State lands include all beaches “below the high water mark.” The purpose of this blog entry is to tell you that although it may seem like a daunting task for you to have to deal with this permit thing, it’s really no big deal.

For one thing, many brides and grooms don’t care whether their ceremony is in the sand or just above or next to it on the lawn or bluff, so long as beach pictures could be taken after the ceremony. If you are one of these, then you will not need to worry about a permit at all, as these areas are above the high water mark. Picture taking on the beach does not require a DLNR permit.

If you do wish to have your ceremony in the sand, then you will need a permit. The permit is not easy for an individual to obtain, because it requires that whoever is applying for the permit to carry insurance for over $300,000.00 and have the State of Hawaii named as an insurer. Most individuals do not meet this requirement.

We have heard from people who were worried, because they did not know how to get a permit and were concerned that it would be expensive. The good news is that it’s not expensive and your wedding company should be able to obtain the permit for you, at a nominal cost. You can compare how much the wedding companies you are considering are charging to process the permit. If you are paying over $60 for your permit, then you are probably being charged too much for the processing.

At Merry Maui Weddings, your permit will never cost over $60 for a group of 20 our under, because we want to do everything we can to make your wedding not only beautiful, but also as affordable as possible, while never comprimising quality. For instance, you can receive a complete, quality beach photo wedding from Merry Maui Weddings for under $400 plus tax.

Greg and Sarah were married Oct 9th, 2008, in a lovely ceremony, on a beautiful bluff overlooking Wailea Beach. I really enjoyed these lovebirds who fully employed the Hawaiian custom of kissing throughout the wedding ceremony.

When I asked the couple how they met, they both chimed in, enthusiastically, “Craigslist!” I said, “tell me more.” And, this is their story…

Greg needed a roommate for his home and put an ad in Craigslist. Sarah rented the room. They got to know each other as roommates. When the sparks began to fly, they decided it was best that Sarah have her own home. (They didn’t tell me why, but I would guess that dating would be a little awkward when you’d both return to the same house!)

The dating went well and Greg and Sarah decided to spend the rest of their lives together. So, the order of their courtship was unusual – first, they lived together, then they dated, then they married and lived together again, as man and wife. The situation seemed to have worked well for them, as they are as happy as can be.

At the beginning of Craig & Sarah’s ceremony, unusual dark clouds covered the sky, but they didn’t seem to notice. However, just when they began to recite their vows, the sun broke through the clouds and bathed them in golden light. They did notice that. Later, they had lots of fun, frolicking on the beach, while their photographer captured wonderful images.

“You never know”
———————-
Where will love find you?
A party, church, school or work?
Could be your kitchen!